by Peggy Green of Thee Grief Specialist

Grief and Mother’s Day 2021

If I were to count the Mother’s Day without my daughter, it is 30 and without my son it is three. Counting Mother’s Day without them however does not make me feel better. It actually makes me feel worse. Focusing on them not being with me causes the wounds to reopen. I relive the days they passed and the heartache that came along with it. Those are the bad memories associated with them. I would rather focus on the good, so I have been intentional to look for the positive and remember the joy I had with them.

Do not get me wrong. I still miss my kids.. I still have moments of sadness. I still cry occasionally. I think that is to be expected. I think it is normal. I also laugh, smile and experience joy. That is to be expected. That is normal. I love celebrating Mother’s Day with my two girls, grandkids and niece. I have hope everyday that it is better than the day before.

Celebrating being a mom and the sacrifices I have made and will continue to make is an honor.

Grief is dynamic. It is never the same from day to day, week to week or year to year. Here are 13 ways to make it through the day and the time leading up to it. There is not a right or wrong way to walk through it. What works for you one year may not work the next. You may choose to try one idea then another or a combination of them.

1.     Acknowledge yourself for being a mother. You have done the best you can with everything you had. You are a good mother.

2.     Remember the day is about you and the sacrifices you make as a mother to help your children.

“The official Mother’s Day
holiday arouse in the 1900’s as the result of the efforts of Anna Jarvis,
daughter of Ann Reeves Jarvis. Following her mother’s 1905 death, Ann Jarvis
conceived of Mother’s Day as a way of honoring the sacrifices mothers made for
their children.” (History.com)

3.     Do something special for yourself.

4.     Stay present in the moment of the day. Focus on those around you. Remember, if you have other children, allow them to honor you. You are still their mother, and they want you to laugh, smile and be happy.

5.     Remember your child by speaking their name. Encourage others around you to do the same. They will be relieved to know you want to talk about your child.

6.     Volunteer either in an organization you enjoy, or your child would have enjoyed.

7.     Refuse to let the dread steal your entire day. You may not like this path but do not let it take you down. You are a survivor who may have scars and be battle worn. When you wake up on Monday, you will realize you lived through it. Congratulate yourself for doing so.

8.     If you do not feel like celebrating, that is okay too. Learn to set those boundaries with others. However, I encourage you to revisit #1 and that once a mother, always a mother.

9.     Pre-grieve by setting time aside to be sad, cry, angry or frustrated. If you do not take the time to grieve, it will make itself known, without warning and usually when you do not want it to raise its head. Pre-grieving will allow you to be present in the moment. See #4.

10. Write down the things you are grateful about your living and passed away children.

11. Plan in advance your activities.

12. Get outside for some fresh air. Outdoors in nature improves mood and is good exercise.

13. Call your mother. She can feel your pain and hurts for you as well. She wants to be loved and appreciated also.

Take what you like from this list and leave the rest. Use them to make this Mother’s Day one to enjoy and remember.

As we remember ourselves as mothers, our mother’s, and the mothers around us, I thought I would share a touch of history around the holiday.

“Mother’s Day is a
holiday honoring motherhood that is observed in different forms throughout the
world. In the United States, Mother’s Day 2021 will occur on Sunday, May
9th. The American incarnation of Mother’s Day was created by Anna Jarvis in
1908 and became an official U.S. holiday in 1914. Jarvis would later denounce
the holiday’s commercialization and spent the latter part of her life trying to
remove it from the calendar. While dates and celebrations vary, Mother’s Day
traditionally involves presenting moms with flowers, cards, and other gifts.” (History.com)

 

I find this interesting that Anna Jarvis later denounced the holiday, its commercialization, and the newly created “Hallmark Holiday”.

If you would like to read more about the history of Mother’s Day, please visit, https://www.history.com/topics/holidays/mothers-day

 It is my hope and prayer that you find some light, peace and joy on Mother’s Day.

If you are having difficulty processing your loss, or experience lack of hope, let us connect. Allow yourself permission to get help, learn from someone who has experienced child loss twice. Schedule your Grief Breakthrough Session today by simply clicking this link and finding a time that works for you. https://calendly.com/thee-grief-specialist/grief-breakthrough-session

#mothersday2021 #thursdaythoughts #thehealingcontinues #findhope